Post by LankyLefty17 on Aug 12, 2022 6:28:36 GMT -8
(In the absence of a press conference, PRESIDENT EVIL and THE EVIL ADMINISTRATION beat a hasty retreat from Gorilla Hall, lest the local authorities become involved, as they are technically trespassing. However, before they can exit, they are confronted by THE PRESS, because I guess that's just who hangs out in the back of wrestling venues nowadays)
PRESS: Excuse me! Excuse me, Mr. Evil!
PRESIDENT EVIL: Please, my father is Mister Evil. You can call me "sir."
PRESS: I, uhh... Okay... Sir. Do you care to comment on what happened out there tonight?
EVIL: Some guys wrestled. You're kinda slow, aren't you?
PRESS: No, I mean, what was the meaning of attacking Tupac Machine and Super Mohan, as well as basically everyone else?
PRESS: Excuse me! Excuse me, Mr. Evil!
PRESIDENT EVIL: Please, my father is Mister Evil. You can call me "sir."
PRESS: I, uhh... Okay... Sir. Do you care to comment on what happened out there tonight?
EVIL: Some guys wrestled. You're kinda slow, aren't you?
PRESS: No, I mean, what was the meaning of attacking Tupac Machine and Super Mohan, as well as basically everyone else?
EVIL: Just think of it as defending my home turf.
PRESS: But... This isn't your home turf?
EVIL: Listen. I'll explain, and I'll speak slowly, so you worms can understand. Tupac Machine and those two geeks who follow him around are here representing STRUGGLE Pro Wrestling. And STRUGGLE - shit-show though it may be - Is mine. It belongs to me, and when you represent my company poorly, it reflects poorly upon me. And this failure will not be tolerated. That old runt fancies himself some kind of badass, he acts like he wants to start a war, then does what? Abides by the rules of a professional wrestling match? While one of his goons stands obediently at ringside and doesn't interfere? And the other just sits quietly in the back, a waste of a fucking plane ticket? That ain't no war. Wars require armies. Wars require ruthlessness. Wars require mass casualties, including - no, especially - the innocent civilians. And I brought an army, I came with ruthlessness, and I caused mass casualties. I showed everybody how this shit is done, and instead of being offended, you should happy to once again be graced by my presence.
PRESS (but a different one this time): Mr. Evil, uhhh, Sir, are you aware of the recent comments made by Doc Wyatt?
EVIL: Who the fuck is that? Is he a wrestler?
(AGENT BULLDOG whispers something in PRESIDENT EVIL's ear, and he nods in acknowledgement)
EVIL: Ohhhh, right, that guy. The little fella who used to run around in business formal, until he saw me, realized he couldn't hang, then switched to regular wrestling panties, like everybody else.
BULLDOG: He is also the reigning Warrior Pro World Champion, sir.
EVIL: Heh. He should probably avoid me at all costs, then. Now, if you pukes are done bothering me, I've got to-
(suddenly, all the three members of B.A.R.S. - TUPAC MACHINE, BLACK PANTHER MASK, and JUNIOR GRIM appear, and it quickly appears as though Shit is about to get Real)
TUPAC MACHINE: EVIL! What the fuck do you thing you're doing!?
EVIL: Anything I want, junior. Now you and your little friends run along.
PAC: Fuck you, Evil! You wanna starts some shit, I'll finish it!
EVIL: Oh will you now? It's four-on-three, and I shit bigger than all three of you. Not to mention the dead weight you're dragging around back there.
PAC: What's that supposed to mean?
EVIL: Come on! You had three mutant hillbillies to choose from, and you picked the one with the mutant brain, instead of a mutant body, like the other two freaks! And I mean, come on, she doesn't fit the theme at all! Look at her! She doesn't belong with you people!
BLACK PANTHER MASK: Dude, what the fuck!?
PAC: (angrily) Yeah, I guess we see how it is now!
EVIL: I mean, seriously though! She doesn't belong! Just look at her, then look at you two idiots! Isn't it obvious?
PAC: Evil, I swear to fuckin' God, if you say one more word, I'm gonna-
EVIL: I mean, you know... You guys both do martial arts style arm-based submissions, and she does that weird convoluted, ten-step, hip-crackin' thing. And she doesn't even have a mask!
PAC: (suddenly much more calm) Wait, what? Oh.... I... Huh.
EVIL: What?
PAC: Nothing. Never mind.
EVIL: Wait, holy shit, what did you think I was talking about!?
PAC: ...
PANTHER: ...
EVIL: ...
JUNIOR GRIM: Awkward.
PAC: ...
EVIL: ...
PANTHER: ...
BULLDOG: Extremely awkward.
PAC: ...
EVIL: ...
PANTHER: ...
EVIL: ...
PANTHER: ...
AGENT FANG: This is getting weird, you guys.
PANTHER: For real.
AGENT 35: Can we just fight now, instead of doing whatever the hell this is?
PAC: Yeah, we should do that.
EVIL: Sounds like a plan.
(The two sides rush each other, sending bewildered members of THE PRESS scattering, but EVENT SECURITY finally arrives and separates everyone before Shit can achieve full Realness. In the brief scuffle, the camera that's been recording all of this gets knocked over, and suddenly everything goes black)